Subjective Quinnbot QB Analysis 101

Section 1: Subjective multiplication and division:

Preface: Recievers never run incorrect routes. Any balls which are tipped are the quarterback's fault unless he is Brady Quinn. A shift in a 40 mph wind on long passes is of no consequence. Being hit does not count unless the QB is Quinn.

Whenever DA throws a bad pass or a pass is dropped, multiply by three. In this way, all he needs are three misses to have a horrible day which you can rant about in a chat room.

Whenever DA throws a complete pass, divide by three. This means that he must throw three completions in order for you to grudgingly admit that he is accurate on rare occasions. But always remember that if a reciever has to slow down slightly or dive it was still a bad pass.

Now, there are no reasons. Only excuses. Excuses are invalid. Excuses include coming from behind, a porous offensive line, a stifled running game, defensive tactics, coincussions, lost time, injured wide recievers, drops, blown routes, wind, being hit, poor game-planning, second year as starter, and everything else anybody can think of. Always remember to say that you are sick of excuses, even when you haven't heard any yet.

The two one-handed TD receptions Edwards made had nothing to do with touch. This was an illusion. It's okay to say they were spectacular catches, since this implies that the ball was poorly thrown. Remember that DA has no touch and throws every ball as hard as he can.

"Deer in the headlights" is always reliable. Remember this if you run out of other criticisms. Say that he looked like a deer caught in the headlights. People will think that you were actually watching him and are observant.

This concludes Subjective QB Analysis 101.