Dear Browns: DON'T SHOW UP! IT;S A TRAP!

I just listened to NFL Radio, and found out that we don't just lack depth in the secondary. No--everybody else sucks too! Like Jones vs. Witten? Jones doesn't stand a chance! Jason Witten is the greatest tight end ever to have played, and Sean Jones sucks! It's true-it's true!

The Giants preseason game: That's the real Browns! Those sixteen games last year? Forget it! The national guys saw the Giants game, and it confirmed all their suspicions!

Sure, the Cowboys are thin at reciever and will have to try to cover K2 with Roy Williams and stuff, but they are so deep and stacked and awesome that it won't matter! Besides, who is K2, compared to Witten?

And T.O. is unstoppable. All that stuff about McDonald and Wright practicing against Edwards? Are you telling me that Braylon Edwards is in T.O.'s league? He's a Cleveland Brown--what are you talking about? The artist formerly known as Pacman will shut him down single-handedly.

And Marion Barber...how can they stop him? It should be obvious after preseason that the Browns defense has no chance of slowing down this offensive juggernaut.

You thought the Browns offensive line was pretty good? Well the Giants proved that they were just pretenders throughout last season! The fact that they did better against Detroit and merely just Chicago is irrelevant. The Cowboys might be the best team ever to have played.

Romo is so much better than DA it isn't funny, and so is their offensive line. The Browns can try to pressure him, but resistance is futile. Dallas's offensive line will dominate Williams and that other guy whats-his name...oh yeah Rogers. No double-teams needed here--Dallas's offensive linemen are future Hall-of-Famers, including the backup who'll start at left guard.

In fact, none of the Browns starters could even make the Dallas roster! Edwards? OK well, he might be a good slot-reciever. Winslow, I suppose, might be able to back up Witten. Rogers could maybe back up too, but Williams would of course not make the team.

Joe Thomas might be an adequate swing-tackle. Jamal Lewis a third-string change-of-pace guy, maybe. Steinbach? Maybe an emergency utility guy, but probably not. Sean Jones could be a backup, and fill in for Roy Williams on passing downs. Josh Cribbs might be okay, if he can do more than just that special teams stuff. Anderson could maybe make it to the practice squad.

So don't show up! Just send a fax: "We concede". You don't want to get beat 75-0, do you?

Hope I caught you in time.